


Chrollo goes to church

by feitan



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Car Accidents, Chaos, M/M, Sins, The Phantom Troupe, Weddings, Wine, church
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-01
Updated: 2015-08-01
Packaged: 2018-04-12 09:23:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4473932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/feitan/pseuds/feitan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chrollo Lucilfer is just trying to go to church</p>
            </blockquote>





	Chrollo goes to church

It was five o’clock on Monday morning, and Chrollo did what he always did at five o’clock on Monday mornings. He woke up and walked to the kitchen, careful not to wake the rest of the troupe. He opened the fridge and examined its contents, hoping to find something to snack on on his way to church. He reached in and pulled out a loaf of bread. Who put this in here? he asked himself. He’d stolen a breadbox from his grandmother as his Christmas present to the troupe a few years ago, and they always refused to use it. After chucking the bread into the bread box, he remembered that he was going to eat some of it so he pulled it back out of the bread box. He opened the bag and dumped all of the bread out onto the counter. Fuck, he thought. The bread was cold after being in the fridge all night so he didn’t want to touch it so he just left it there as he sprinted out of the house, hoping that nobody had seen what he’d done. He took his little bandana out of his coat pocket and tied it around his forehead as he ran. “Almost forgot to wear my mandana!” he said, turning a corner. His eyes widened as they fell upon the magnificent steeple of the church.

Back at the house, the rest of the troupe was beginning to wake up. Pakunoda was making her way into the kitchen to make breakfast for everyone, as she always did. When she noticed the slices of bread scattered all over the counter, she groaned. She lifted her fist in the air and shook it violently. This always happened. Pakunoda hated Mondays the most because every week she had to clean up all the bread crumbs that Chrollo had gotten all over the kitchen counters and on the floor. Her eyes were dead as she got the broom from the closet.

“What is this?” Franklin asked upon entering the kitchen and seeing the mess. He was a very large man, so he needed a very large breakfast. 

“Chrollo,” Paku said, cleaning up the mess, nearly in tears. “Chrollo did this.”

Franklin’s eyebrows rose so fast they almost flew right off his face. “W-what…?”

Paku rose and placed her hand on Franklin’s shoulder. She was one of the only few able to do this. “Yes. I’m sorry you had to find out this way.”

By this point, tears were beginning to form in Franklin’s eyes. He leaned his head down on Paku’s shoulder and sobbed. Little did they know, Phinks was standing in the doorway, watching them. His eyebrows would be raised if he had any. Nobunaga pushed his way past Phinks and stormed into the kitchen, ignoring Franklin and Pakunoda. He was always irritable (even more than he normally was) before he got his morning coffee. The coffee machine was a high-end espresso machine he’d taken from his sister. 

“Chrollo’s gone already?” he asked loudly, to be heard over Franklin’s sobs. 

“He left at 5am,” Shizuku said from the couch. She’d forgotten to sleep and stayed up all night watching Grey’s Anatomy.

Phinks carefully made his way around Franklin and sat next to Shizuku on the couch. “Did he tell you where he was going?”

Shizuku shook her head and turned the volume on the TV louder. She didn’t really care where he went, either. Phinks raged to himself for a little bit about how mad he was that Chrollo just mysteriously disappeared on Monday mornings without telling anyone where he was going. Suddenly, he had an idea. He stood up to emphasize the importance of his idea. “I have an idea!” he said. Nobody said anything, so he just decided to continue. “Why don’t we just follow him next Monday to see where he goes?!”

Bonolenov whacked him on the head with one of his gloves. “That’s such a bad idea, Phinks.”

“When did you even get in here?!” Phinks shouted, rubbing his head. 

“He’s right,” Paku chimed in, trying to free herself from Franklin’s hug. “We’d never be able to follow him without him noticing.” Phinks frowned at her loudly.

“I say we let him go. If he wants to get caught, that’s his decision,” Nobunaga said, violently pushing all of the buttons on the coffee maker. He wasn’t any good at using technology. Finally, he got so frustrated that he turned around and headed back to the bedroom he shared with Uvogin to get his sword. On the way to his room, he ran right into Machi. She immediately shot him a death glare. 

“Touch me again and I’ll end you.”

Nobunaga forced some laughter, beginning to sweat profusely. He knew Machi wasn’t kidding. She only glared at him harder until he managed to break away, sprinting back to his room and slamming the door. 

The slam of the door was so loud that it woke Feitan. His eyes flew open, but all he was met with was total darkness. This was because he’d painted his bedroom walls pitch black, boarded up the window, and slept underneath 4 blankets. He hopped down from the bunk bed that he shared with Kortopi and went to go yell at everyone for making so much noise. As he opened his door, the one across the hallway opened, as well. Then he was face to face with Shalnark, who was also on his way to complain about the loud noises.

“Morning, Shalnark,” he growled.

Shalnark never wanted to punch Feitan in the face more than he did in that moment, but he put a smile on his face and greeted him nonetheless. “Sleep well?”

It was strikingly apparent that Feitan hadn’t slept well. There were dark circles under his eyes and his hair was a disaster, but he didn’t care because that was how he looked most of the time anyway. “Yeah. You?”

“Perfectly,” Shalnark blurted. He turned to get away from this conversation, quickly speed-walking down the hall. Feitan followed behind him. The rest of the morning was spent arguing over who had to go to the store to buy more eggs because every time they made breakfast it took 25 eggs and you could only buy 12 at a time. 

Meanwhile, Chrollo made his way to his usual seat and sat down. Of course, not before shaking hands and exchanging friendly smiles with a few elderly ladies. He was in a good mood because one lady in particular had called him handsome. But he was especially excited because he'd done a whole lot of sinning in the past week and wanted to atone for it. He'd also brought along a few $100 bills to put in the collection basket. 

"Dearly beloved," the priest began. "we are gathered together here in the sight of God, and in the face of this company, to join together these men in holy Matrimony; which is an honourable estate, instituted of God, signifying unto us the mystical union that is betwixt Christ and his Church: which holy estate Christ adorned and beautified with his presence and first miracle that he wrought in Cana of Galilee, and is commended of Saint Paul to be honourable among all men: and therefore is not by any to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly; but reverently, discreetly, advisedly, soberly, and in the fear of God."

It was then that Chrollo realized that he had accidentally stumbled into a wedding! It was okay because he loved weddings. He quickly wondered if there would be free wine anywhere. However, he soon noticed that one half of the couple standing at the altar was none other than the infamous chain-user!

"If there is anyone that believes there is a reason why these two should not be wed," the pastor continued, "speak now or forever hold your peace."

Chrollo wasn't exactly paying attention to the ceremony, so decided it would be a good time to stand and look for some wine. The crowd gasped and every head turned toward him, which was making him a little uncomfortable. He froze, wondering why everyone was looking at him like that. 

Back at the altar, Kurapika noticed the collective gasp from the crowd and turned his head to see what the commotion was. What he was was none other than the leader of the Phantom Troupe! His eyes quickly turned red and he started breathing really heavily. His fiancé Kite looked really confused.

"Do you know that guy?" he whispered to Kurapika.

"He's the one. He's the one who killed my clan!" Kurapika shouted, raising his hand to point right at Chrollo, who only stared back at him in shock. 

"Woah, okay, calm down," Kite said, placing a hand on his lover's shoulder. "I'll deal with this."

With that, he shoved Kurapika behind him and made his way down the steps, towards Chrollo.

Who the hell is this dude? Chrollo asked himself. He's gorgeous, but he's looking at me with such… hostility!

Before he let himself get caught up in his thoughts, he made a break for the door. He was mostly just upset that he wouldn't be able to get his wine. Nonetheless, he threw open the door with all his might and dashed out onto the street, hoping to evade the chain user's fiancé.

But Chrollo had made a grave mistake. He'd forgotten to look both ways before crossing the street. The moment he was running across just happened to be the same moment that Phinks was heading to the church parking lot to spy on his boss. 

Chrollo flew like 50 feet in the air because Phinks was driving really fast and aggressively. The one who took the most damage was Phinks who had slammed on his breaks when he wasn't wearing his seatbelt. He was launched through the window and straight towards Kite, knocking both of them out in a pile on the sidewalk.


End file.
